Unsaid; unlived

It’s as if
I’m living in an alternate realm where
only I exist
and my comprehension of people
is the only truth behind their existence.

As if
I’m bred from the love I have for myself
and the love I have for the ones around me.
Yet I remain uncertain:
As if I’m misplaced.
As if I’m myself,
but not really.

As if my other self is in control sometimes,
and I’m standing in silhouette
demanding X or O keep me alive;
too late;
I’ve died again.
And again.
I’ve let myself down again.
I’ve disrupted the balance,
again:

My mind creates this
virtual reality and
relives my days
again and again,
whilst I dream.
Trying
to maintain
that I do good;
speak good;
be good.

You see,
unsaid words are not invisible,
they just reside in me until
my mind recreates
the night,
the day, and
the people:
what they’d say and
what they’d laugh at.

Then
it reminds itself
to say that thing it was longing to,
to laugh at that joke it lacked to,
to hug that person it ached to.

The parallel separation of
my thoughts and my self grows.
As if I’m playing
a videogame
where I’m
watching myself do something I’ve already done;
or say the thing I wanted to
but didn’t.

 

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4 thoughts on “Unsaid; unlived

  1. I understand that words pour out of emotion and no emotion is truly as inspirational as sadness. I was just wondering- if I may- are you truly your words? You constantly feel morose or is it unsequencially recurring thing which is why your pieces are randomly dated?

    1. Hi Raed,
      You’re not the first person to ask if I’m suffering from depression. I’m not, I’m actually living a very balanced life. I just find that whenever I see deep sadness around me it inspires me more than joy. Like, it’s a black hole sometimes when you’re unable to see past the filter it puts on your day. But with joy or happiness it’s easy to destroy that easily. I guess what I’m trying to say it, I depict sadness more often in my writing because it’s a projection of the reality I see my society divulging in. Much of my poetry (even though it may be written in the first person) is actually just emphathetically driven based on something I witnessed someone going through. I hope that answers your question?

      1. It does and I’m glad to read you’re not as dark and melancholy as your writing depicts. It just occurs to me that someone who paints with words as you do can probably do a great job in a positive, cheerful piece too– perhaps could be a challenge for someone of your- almost Poe esque- calibre. Not that I dare to critique you, you’re quite the prodigy. Is it obvious I’m procrastinating tasks at my job? Have a great day.

      2. I do quite enjoy writing lighthearted and positive pieces, too. I just think darkness outweighs it. There’s definitely a huge poe influence that you’ve rightfully grasped! I think I am his reincarnate sometimes, haha!
        I’m humbled to be called both “poe esque” and a “prodigy”. You’ve managed to genuinely make my day, I am so happy to receive your comments. Sending a tsunami of gratitude you way!

        May your day be both balanced and productive, Raed.

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